“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. ” 1 Corinthians 13

We all joke about how long into a wedding ceremony this verse will be read to the bride and groom. We can pretty much all recite it, Bible scholar or not, as it is the single most used scripture for such an occasion. It makes sense. If this is truly what love looks like when you have been lucky enough to find it, then sign me up! If only it is as easy as being in love and committing to your person and having this all fall perfectly into place. After all, that is what it was intended to be before that sneaky serpent came into the picture to lure Eve. And her starry eyed Adam was so smitten with his love for Eve that he too went along for the lie and changed what would have been perfect love into what we so loosely have today. Good intentions, with all the butterflies, first impressions, show our best cards, sweet affection, tingles down your spine, willingness and desire, all sprinkled with just the right amount of hope for the future that your love will survive every storm. Every fight. Every difficult season. Every crisis. Every selfish desire of our own hearts… But here’s the thing, folks. Love doesn’t look like this from what I’ve seen the vast majority of time. Can you honestly say, without conviction, that you love like this ALWAYS, like scripture tells us?

I’ve seen the beautiful fruit of it in my life. I’ve tasted and seen the absolute heart pounding, fight for it, try everything, be there at the end of the day to work through it, blissful, giddy, can’t stop touching one another, I can’t live without you type of love. I’m a romantic to my core and I love with a mate for life mentality to my people. But I can say with certainty, that I have missed the mark on every level with abundance. If I dare to be honest, I’ve seen it fail with almost everyone I know too.

I’ve seen love be impatient. I’ve seen the evidence of jealousy and envy. The self seeking nature in which we view how well we are being loved. The constant keeping a record of wrongs, fueling a quick temper, spewing words of hurt and anger. I’ve seen the way marriages and relationships have been destroyed by lack of trust, pride, lack of honesty, lies that we tell each other, lies that we tell ourselves about how it “should” be. The part about “always protects”? How are we possibly mastering that when we can’t even get patience and anger under control? And perseverance? Our generation knows nothing of this word. This is the one that hits me the most. I have yet to see it in my own life. Not one person has CHOSEN to overcome the trials and tribulations of living a committed life with me, through every up and down, no matter what. Love is selfish. It is filled with unrealistic expectations, self serving attitudes, assurance that the other person will never make a mistake “or else”. Love puts limitations on our perseverance every day. Our tear stained faces are evidence of relationships filled with condition. Are you making me happy? Am I making you happy enough? Do you measure up? Do I? Have you made too many sassy remarks under your breath, left your clothes on the floor one too many times, liked all of my likes, disliked all of my dislikes, are you fulfilling every need I have and am I fulfilling all of yours? Have we had too many meaningless arguments even when we’ve had a million other joyful moments? Are you asking for too much? Are you not asking for enough? Am I happy all of the time like I am “supposed to be” if we were a “good” couple? If not, are we even compatible?

So no, love does not persevere. It quits when the going gets tough. It quits when we can’t get out of our own way. It fears and abandons ship when we don’t manage our own issues and emotions and buries it deep so we don’t have to. It controls our thoughts that it is for the better to leave and punches us in the face with only reminding us of what was negative so we can brush it off and move on with life. It replaces it with a swipe of the finger, because that’s the world we have created. There’s something better for ME. I am not happy. YOU didn’t make me happy enough. It SHOULDN’T be this hard. Move on. Let it go already. Find someone else. Its not the end of the world. I’m fine without you. Love doesn’t persevere. Love, my friends, fails.

If you have gotten past the cynicism and are still reading along, let me tell you why I think this is. The ONLY perfect love comes from Jesus. You already know this. But really let that sink in. He is the only one who is perfect, who never fails at anything and is the only one who can then give perfect love. His love never fails. Ever. Until we can wrap our heads and hearts around this concept, we will never even get close to getting it right with the ones we love. Because here’s the thing, we CAN get a little closer.

We have created a world that is at an all time high of self absorption. We have not one, but multiple social media accounts in which we post status updates, retouched selfies, our successful “life changing” businesses, our new homes, fancy vacations, perfectly smiling family photos, (#whatsyourexcuse) before and after body image photos, “congrats to the happy couple” pic from the wedding you’re attending, but the pic is of just you, the “just whipped this up for dinner real quick” gourmet meal, checking into the gym for your second workout of the day….get the picture? Then we have the nerve to wonder why our relationships are failing?!?!? This should be plain as freaking day, here. We are falling victim to a world that is not real. Its filling our heads with “what if’s”, “I deserve better”, “I’m not satisfied anymore”. Honestly, when we look at what we think we are entitled to, and what we think we could and should have everyday in this fake cyber world we built, why on earth would we work to save that which is precious anymore? And guess who we are transferring this mentality on to? You’ve got it…our children. I have the privilege of hearing the sweet teens that sit in my chair talk about the sadness in their hearts over not being asked to Homecoming, not having their pictures “liked’, having their most humiliating moments documented for all to see. Heart breaking for these precious young ones. Any idea who might be at the head of this corporation we call life?

When 1 Corinth speaks of love not being evil? Well, evil is alive and well. His name is Satan and I’m pretty sure he has more likes on Facebook than anyone else, and we hit the button ourselves! Oh, the joy he must have knowing that love is nothing like what Jesus speaks of. He can almost taste the sweetness of victory, watching us treat each other this way. Watching us leave one another in pieces, with broken hearts, weeping for what once was, holding on to everything that was good, worth fighting for. He’s watching us sling the harshest words to perfect strangers, divide us as far as he can, attack each other for our differences, sell ourselves and each other out. He’s watching our God weep with sadness over what his flawless vision for loving one another was intended to be. We did this. How do we begin to repair it? Can it even be mended back together from the broken pieces on the floor at this point? Maybe we should just chalk it up to what’s in the past and leave it alone. That would be the easier route, right?

I believe in my bones that love can be repaired. It can be brought back from ashes. It can be restored and made so new and beautiful that we stand in awe of its splendor. Love can persevere. This is where Gods perfect and unfailing love comes into play. He made us in his image, after all. He also designed us to never be fully satisfied in love until we know his first. When we pour ourselves into his promises that he can and will fully love us for all eternity, that he will not forsake us, that we were made with divine purpose, that we won’t ever spend a day being unloved, we have a shot of getting it right with others. When we abandon the idea that love comes free of complication, always cheerful and easy, laying the burden of having all of our needs met by another human, seeking our happiness from them…we have a real chance at getting (and receiving) it right.

As I sit here in a puddle of my own heartache, longing for a love that I know was real, wonderful and worth every growing pain, to ever come back, I realize the irony of writing these words as if they are not only obvious, but easy. I’m actually writing these words so that I can believe them too. Here’s a concept though…we DO actually have a manual on this one. Its called the Bible and it is filled with directions, truths, promises and hope. Its also filled with hope for love. In fact, he loves love so much that he mentions it 686 times in the NIV.

Are you in a season of a valley with the one you love right now? Are they missing the mark so often that you feel isolated, desperate, hopeless? Or maybe its still wonderful most of the time, but sometimes you can’t help but notice it doesn’t have the same passion anymore. Or that you have been picking at each other more lately. Have you ever gone as far as to let the thought of someone else creep into your mind? Do you daydream that the grass certainly must be greener on the other side? Do you think it might just be better to get out now before you’re any more invested? That maybe if you leave now, that it will hurt them less in the long run? Hurt you less? Are you single and wishing you had what your friends are lucky enough to complain about? Praying that you will one day have your hearts desires fulfilled?

Let me reassure you that we serve a big God. He sees us, he counts our tears in a bottle, he cries with us and he heals the broken pieces. He loves us so much that he wants to see us try harder for what he intended. To come to him, keep the expectations high, hear only the truth, get it right at all times…but only from HIM and him alone. As for one another, lets lighten our load and each others. Lets not cast these burdens of perfection on to one another. Lets not continue to look to the messed up, unrealistic, self serving world we have created and put these expectations on our person we are called to love most in the world. Let us be filled with Christs love SO much that we don’t need to seek this kind of perfection from another human. That we know every need will be met and every desire fulfilled through Jesus and we are so confident in His love that when we love one another, we do so with grace, humility, patience, support, encouragement and, you guessed it, perseverance. When you have been blessed enough to find a love like this, hold on tight and don’t let go. Breathe out the conditions and limitations and breathe in Gods perfect love. Let it fill you, mold you, sculpt you, get rid of any uncertainty and anxiousness and let it satisfy our souls in a way we never knew existed. Love your person better. Fight for them. It’s all worth it….read the manual.

Love Gods love never fails.