“Take full responsibility for your actions, your choices, and your life; you made it this way. If you’re happy, keep going. If you’re not, then choose to do something about it.” – Kylie Francis

I was reeling from the high of a sunny and romantic trip to Mexico. It was one of those 10 out of 10 types of vacations where everything was perfect from start to finish. It felt like luck to me. I couldn’t believe that literally everything could be that flawless when two single parents fly out of the country during a pandemic, leaving itineraries, lists, schedules, dog sitting, kid sitting, medical consents, prepared meals, insurance cards and daily care packages for the kids and hope and pray you didn’t forget any details or someone needs stitches on the first day you’re gone.

Somewhere, tucked neatly in the back of my brain, I wondered what I would have to endure to “pay” for such goodness. In my mind, such goodness is a debt, paid for with a catastrophic life event or string of nuances added up to balance the scale. So when I returned to work the following week, my jaded assumptions were put into action. The city called to tell me I had a major water leak at my house, my doctor called to let me know of a “lets just have you back in 6 months so we can watch it more closely” matter and as I walked out of work that night, my car had a lofty parking ticket on the windshield. To throw gas on it, there have been daunting emotional concerns within our family circle that have brought us to our knees, wondering how we are going to mend and heal these situations. Sprinkle in some drama and unrealistic expectations from an unhealed outside force, and we’ve just about resigned from our jobs to take up island living and day drinking.

Victim. That’s how I felt that day. And I wasn’t actually all that surprised…thats how life goes, right? One step forward, two steps back. You take the good with the bad. Pivot and adjust. I let myself spend a little time on feeling the weight of those events. I parked for a few minutes in my car at my favorite spot on the lake, bounced between Biggie and Bethel Music and then drove home to soak up the sounds of my childrens greetings and hugs when I walked through the door. While some things were still sitting heavily on my heart, I dusted off the days challenges, found my smile and snuggled my babies on the couch.

The truth is, I can’t live in the victim mentality for long. There are far too many good things in my life. To list them all would take pages, but to cliff note it, God has given me a full cup. He didn’t design me to feel sorry for myself, to live in a state of blame, or think the world (or anyone in particular) owes me because I have been wronged. God designed me to persevere, to turn the other cheek, to be bold and brave, secure in the foundation of who and whos I am. He called me to RISE!

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

The thing about being a victim is that it robs us of the power to change. Without a shadow of a doubt, the times I have grown the most in my life have been during the hardest seasons. Making counseling a habit and being a constant student of self growth and faith has given me so much awareness into my broken pieces that have often inhibited me from being my best self or given of my best self as a parent or in relationships. I realize this is all easier said than done…I have set backs and days that I fail miserably. I have nights where I call Mike and cry on the phone, wanting a redo of a parenting fail or just to hear his gentle reminders that I am loved. That I am trying my best. Its easy to see the troubles of life from the lens of defeat or blame. To see the chips stack against us and make every excuse in the book to seek pity and take the responsibility off of ourselves. But when I dig deep, I can hold myself accountable to the places I might have gone wrong. The water leak? I forgot to blow out my sprinklers before the winter and they froze and cracked. The parking ticket? I overstayed my welcome. The emotional struggles of our children? Fallout of our broken families, a result of some poor choices by mom and dad.

God has given me the insight, or better yet, he has firmly nudged me enough, to step up to the plate of ownership. The times where someone has really wronged me? Well, maybe that was for that person to learn a valuable lesson and I was a piece of their story. All in all, life is not always going to be easy. When we take what we can as a character building, lesson learning, gratitude grabbing day, we are much more free to enjoy the goodness without waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“When life gives you a hundred reasons to break down and cry, show life you have a million reasons to smile and laugh.”

My daughter hates having her hair brushed. Its been a battle since 2015, when she finally sprouted her first locks. I have caved to letting her do this on her own as to avoid the fight between us but most mornings she leaves for school with business in the front, party in the back. A small rats nest to which I have found yesterdays bobby pins, stickers, twigs and the occasional snack. While she was brushing it the other day, she exclaimed, “ITS TOO HARD! IT HURTS TOO MUCH!” Yes, baby girl. Sometimes its too hard. Sometimes it hurts too much. On the other side of “its too hard” is, “its so beautiful!” On the wings of “it hurts to much” is “I got through it.”

When we face the challenges life will most certainly throw at us, we have the ability to choose who we want to be in that storm. As I write this, I’m staring out the window to a cloudy, rainy day. The sun is just starting to peak through and cast light on what was gloomy only moments ago. You see, the sun didn’t fall victim to the rain. It found a way to break through and shine again. Afterall…rainbows are the prize for weathering the storm. And oh, how beautiful they are.

Heavenly Father, Thank you for pouring truth into us and allowing us to see where we can shine brighter. Thank you for the rainbows that follow the storms…. Amen