When patience is not a virtue…

Patience; 

  1. the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset.

If you were to ask any of my close circle of people to describe my character, not a single one of them would say patient. This has never been my strong suit. In the mere minutes it took to wait for my computer to start so I could write this, I almost threw it out the window. I am a hairdresser who actually hates getting my hair done. “Why is this taking so long?” “There are so many other things I could be doing right now.” I tap my feet and check my watch and find things to clean when I’m supposed to be under the dryer.

My best friends can recall my struggle to find contentment when I would say things like “If I just knew I would get married someday, I would enjoy this time being single now.” Or “If I just knew I would have a baby someday, I would embrace this time of just being married without kids.” I have no chill ability when it comes to the need to know. I ask 4,000 questions to everyone in my path and I literally cannot take not knowing the juice. Grass has never grown beneath my feet literally nor figuratively. I mow the day before the mower is supposed to come because I just can’t take it anymore. In my world, everything should have been done yesterday.

This lack of a virtue in no way comes in handy when raising children. When the age comes about where they want to do everything themselves (think buckling themselves into their car seats while another car waits for your spot) it is nearly impossible for me not to deep breathe and rub the back of my neck profusely. I have been known to bleep out my own words (“feel free to get in your car seat any day now, as I’ve asked you, like, 10 bleeping times…”). I anxiously await the day they actually use the word “bleeping” back to me.

In today’s world, we have everything in an instant. We get the new phone and approximately 7 minutes later, its out of date, as the new one is being unveiled. And I’m pretty sure that I’ve hit submit on my Amazon purchase before and the package was already on my front porch when I went to put my wallet away. To think that I actually survived the season of life when we still had dial up internet, is beyond me.

I am in awe, picturing Jesus on the back of a camel, making his way to another speaking engagement, in which he likely arrived about 400 years later (probably, actually). And Jesus was the originator of the Birkenstock long before T-straps were cool. Just how long do you think it took to make those sandals he was wearing? He had to have been chill AF.

In all honesty, I look around me at the people I admire most, and something that always hooks me is their strength in patience. There is a calmness and confidence that comes with it; a presence of mind that seems secure and peaceful. Is it really possible to feel calm and peaceful in today’s world? How is this mom over here handling the middle of the night feedings, the gym time to keep it tight, the school drop offs, work, grocery run, dinner prep, soccer practice, ballet lessons, bath time, bed time, still have sh*t to do when everyone else is sleeping, type of day with such grace and ease, all while having her hair blown out and a fresh mani?

Patience. Contentment. Jesus…

Ecclesiastes 7:8 says, “The end of something is better than its beginning. Patience is better than pride.” I seek solace in this verse. It reminds me that everything we do is for the greater good of the future. Of the glory of God, in His timing and in His will, for the later date in which we will be part of the new Heaven and the new earth. What we do here need not be rushed, but sought out with the confident knowledge that comes with a contentment in Christ. Our days might be busy, the nights long and the wait longer, but what is our rush? What are we racing to get to? We have hopes and dreams, desires that are embedded so deeply into our hearts that we can barely stand to wait one more second for it. The baby we so desperately want to hold in our arms. The relationship we know is blossoming into something so beautiful but not at the pace we want. The job interview we nailed but we haven’t heard back yet.

I put patience and contentment in the same realm. One really can’t go without the other. I recently read an article on the art of contentment. It pointed out that to be discontent was to be absent of faith. Boom. Straight up convicted on that one. If we believe that God really knows every hair on our head and that all the days ordained for us were written in the book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16), then we should be as patient as saints. We really can settle into this verse and let out the most enormous sigh of relief, confident that our Lord knows all of our days. Not a few. Not most. All.

Friends, can we muster up enough faith to trust in Gods timing? To slow down and enjoy the process? To feel so abundantly secure that if we seek and follow Him, that He will provide the desires of our hearts? Can we patiently wait for what lies ahead and in the meantime, feel that calm and peace that surpasses our understanding because He cares? I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to chill. Like, full out hot yoga, patchouli, spa music, hemp bracelet style chill. I’m feeling impatient with my own impatientness….and I’m ready to lay it at the cross.

Father God,

Thank you for loving us so much that you not only know about, but care about every single one of our days. Every detail. Every hair on our heads. Help us to trust you so wholeheartedly that we slow down and take in the joy you promised to give us in abundance. Help us to live out our days with your will in mind and all the hope for our future. Thank you for forgiving us for every second we fall short of your glory.

Amen

 

And still, she rises…

Disclaimer. This whole blog might as well be one big disclaimer.
I’ve never been one for the faint of heart. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Filtering my words has never been my strong suit. I have every good intention of being the soft spoken, gentle, sweet and ladylike woman that God is likely begging for. Yet, in reality, I define the phrase “whiskey in a tea cup”.
My stature is small, my heels are high and my thoughts often come blurting out faster than a toupee in a hurricane. I fly off the handle easily, swear like a sailor, pump hip hop music to a car full of toddlers and have a major addiction  fascination with all things celebrity.

This being said, I’m also the quickest to forgive, the first to ask you about your story, the total blast at the party and the one who will go to bat with you and for you when it hits the fan. Every. Time.

In the past 10 years, I have seen fire and rain. I’ve also see the sunny days that I thought would never end. I’ve been through divorce and remarriage, miscarriages and healthy babies, step children, job losses, thriving businesses, brushes with cancer and clean bills of health, and recently, the devastating death of my sweet husband, who took his life just months ago.

My story is not meant to bring pity, but to offer compassion, empathy and hope in a time where every one of us is braving this thing called life. Where we daily battle the enemy, who is sleepless and wandering and wanting desperately to get our attention. We are faced with the daily decision to fear what lies ahead. To give up when the going gets tough. But, sweet friend, what if we went boldly ahead, digging deep into what God intended for us? To be truth seekers, filled with joy, empowering one another and loving with a fierceness that can only come from the power of the Holy Spirit. What if we cast all anxieties upon Him because He cares and let that pave the way to endless opportunity and abundant life?

If I’ve learned anything in my 38 years so far, its that life is for the living. Lets really live it. Not next week when vacation starts, not next month when we get a promotion, not next year when our kids go off to college. Lets live it today, right now in this blessed second. I have miles to go in my faith walk and I know my talk always dominates the hell out of my walk. But I truly believe we can be sculpted into the incredible beings we were called to be if we let God work in us wholeheartedly. Messy stories, sailors mouths and all…

Friend, will you join me on the journey of refinement? Will you seek and explore with me as we dig deeper and live with more meaning and authenticity now more than we ever have? Will you walk with me as we tell our stories, ugly cry and all? Good, now lets get started….

Heavenly Father,

We come before you, broken, weary and heavy laden and ask that you turn our ashes into beauty. Refine us in the midst of joys and trials alike. Help us to be seekers of your wisdom and truth and wear your armor of protection to fight off the enemy who is set out to destroy. Fill our minds and our hearts with the hope that comes from a life lived for you. Thank you, Jesus, that your mercies are new every morning.

Amen