Rejected; left unoccupied or unused

“You’re really an amazing person, but…”

“I’m just scared of ruining our friendship…”

“Our company is just going in a different direction…”

“I’m sorry I didn’t invite you, we were just doing something small…”

“It’s not you, its me…”

Have any of these phrases been used on you before? Perhaps all of them? Ever use them on someone yourself? Well, I have. And I have had most of them said to me….dozens of times. I can safely say I’ve been rejected far more times than the number of years I’ve been alive. It hurts. So bad. The definition of the word is cringe worthy, in and of itself. I instantly felt the familiar pain that cuts like a knife. Unoccupied. Unused. Can you feel it? The definition should also read: left out, discarded, abandoned, forsaken, thrown out, set aside, not thought of, shunned. The list of emotions felt by this word in a side bar: broken, alone, devastated, depressed, unworthy, wounded, unloved.

This topic feels so insanely easy for me to speak of because of my experience with it. I know it like the back of my hand. So common that it could be on the days to-do list;

• workout
• bank
• grocery store
• get rejected in some way
• soccer practice
• PTA meeting

Now, I might be leaning towards the side of dramatic on that, which always rarely happens, but it is a cozy topic for me and I’m guessing almost everyone. In this day and age, it is nearly impossible to not feel it in some tiny form on any given day, as we scroll our social media accounts only to discover what all we were not invited to, who our ex is now happily dating, who got the job we had applied for, who is going home with the baby we thought we were adopting, and certainly, who is managing just fine without us in their life when we so desperately wanted to be in it.

I thought it was interesting that the definition said “unused”. I feel a little robbed by that, as I have felt more used in any situation where I was rejected because that person got something from me that was vulnerable. Be it my time, my money, my energy, my excitement, my inclusiveness, my parties, my commitment, my joy and most often, my heart. It takes a lot of balls to put ourselves out there in the world and hold our heads high on the daily. A person or an opportunity comes into life and sweeps us off our feet and just like that, we let our guard down bit by bit. We get our hopes up and in a flash, it can all come crashing down in the face of rejection. As we lick our wounds, we find ourselves instantly building up the walls again, feeling ashamed we put ourselves out there in the first place, plotting revenge ideas (am I the only one doing this?), day dreaming that the rejectors would fail, crying ourselves to sleep, making ourselves sick with anger and sadly, convincing ourselves that we are unworthy. Foolish. Unlovable. Not good enough.

I promised myself a decade ago, when my first husband left me for another woman, that I would watch the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You, every week until the day I die. I would do this so I was never again tempted to be the silly girl who thought it was a good idea to date. Or to marry. Or to ever trust another man with my heart, as they were “all the same” in the long run. I forgot to watch it for a few months and found myself married again. This man changed my mind about men and taught me that there were some really amazing ones out there who were capable of nearly perfect love. My  husband took his life the day after our 10th valentines day. Rejection. Abandonment. I wasn’t worth sticking around for. Lets not even get started on my dating life over the years…”You’re so awesome, but…”, “I’ve had the best time of my life with you, but…”, and the best one, “I love you, but I decided to give it another try with my ex…”. I think its time for me to either A: start watching the movie on repeat again B:get the tattoo that reads UNLOVABLE, as a reminder, or C: remember who I am, whose I am and how much freaking value I have to the one that created me.

Psalm 139: 13-14 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

As I was thinking of people from the Bible who had been rejected, I didn’t have to look any further than Jesus himself. Here’s a man, who during his time on earth, parted seas, washed the feet of his disciples, spit Jonah out of a whale, rescued Daniel from a lions den, raised Lazarus from the dead, made the blind see, fed thousands of people on 5 loaves of bread and 3 fish, and turned water into wine (bless his heart). Yet he was ridiculed, cast out, forsaken. Even his very own Apostle Peter, disowned him three times. And to throw gas on it? He was captured, beaten and hung on a cross. Crucified. Died. Buried. But here’s the kicker. He rose! HE ROSE! Death did not hold him! He was the ultimate rejected. He even wrote the book on it (literally).

John 15:18 “If the world hates you, keep in mind it hated me first.”

I love that verse. Jesus be like “Um, girl…slow your roll. Let’s see which one of us had the corner on rejection.” In other words, the one who created us came to live on this earth so he could experience all of what we experience as humans. He wanted to feel what we feel, see what we see, live through the pain and anguish himself so that he could identify with us, know our hearts. He did this because he loves us so much! To him, we are far more precious than rubies. More valuable than a whole flock of sparrows. He knows every hair on our heads. Every day of our lives. How does this make me feel better about rejection? Because I know that no matter who is against me, that Jesus is always for me. I know that no matter who doesn’t love me, that HE loves me more than I could ever imagine. I know that no matter how unworthy I feel in this world, that God created me with intention, for a purpose. This fills my empty places up with so much hope. I will never spend a day in this life alone, unworthy or unloved. And you know what, friend? Neither will you. Lets change our perspective on rejection right this minute and decide to believe in Option C: remember who I am, whose I am and how freaking valuable I am to the one who created me. Beloved, you are wholeheartedly accepted.

1 Peter 1: 18-19 “Knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things like gold or silver, but with the precious blood of Christ.”

Father God,

We praise you that you created us with uniqueness and individuality. That you have a special purpose for each one of us. That you hand crafted us with intention. Thank you for loving us so much that we never have to spend a day truly rejected. Help us to release the hold that grips us when the world turns us away and remind us that we are the sons and daughters of a king! 

Amen