Empower: To make someone stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.

What and who comes to mind when you digest this definition? To get the most obvious out of the way, lets start with Jesus Christ. Lets also give a standing O to a few great empowerers in our century, such as Martin Luther King Jr., Billie Graham, Mother Teresa, Princess Diana, Billie Jean King and how about the tiny little powerhouse of a pioneer…Ruth Bader Ginsburg? These men and women have championed the way for SO many and so often have done it without riding the coattails or breaking the backs of others to get there. They paved ways for the hopeless, encouraged others to be braver, bolder, encouraged and spent much of their lives celebrating differences, pushing for equality and blazing trails for the rest of us when our voices couldn’t be heard.

When I was sifting through the tributes to RBG, I thought about what my own legacy would look like. Am I someone who lifts others up? Encourages people to be brave? Do I go to battle in the name of Jesus? Am I a listening ear and bold voice for those in need? Do I empower others? Particularly women? In ways, I felt I could answer that with a “yes”. Yet there were many moments I could think of that made me wonder how many times I have mistakenly or unknowingly been the discourager, the attacker, the one who unfairly misjudged another woman when I had NO idea who she really was.

As of late, I have taken a small break from a few social media platforms for reasons of keeping finding my sanity. I was suddenly consumed with reading the comment section of peoples posts and from news articles being circulated and found myself sick with what strangers were saying to one another. The absolute tearing down of another human because of political party, social status, gender, sexual orientation, race, group, body image…I couldn’t stomach it. Wasn’t it only a few years ago that women were marching all over the world TOGETHER to promote sisterhood, equality, inclusiveness???

In transparency, I did not attend, and had no desire to attend these marches. You know why? It felt fraudulent to me. Too many times I have witnessed women coming together to build one another up and the very next day, rip each other apart. The message is inconsistent at best. We are our own worst enemies when it comes to this hypocrisy and I can’t bear to witness it anymore. I have been privileged in my life to know and be friends and family to a HOST of incredible women. I can’t express how remarkable this is to me….truly. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but alas, the women in my life are some of the most divine, generous, kind, compassionate, bold, brave, ambitious, Jesus loving, life giving, soul blessing, EMPOWERING women I have ever come across. The gratitude runs deep. Yet, as I write these words, I can honestly say, I have been torn down more times than I can count by a few women in my life too. I am aware that we can all say this and though it may be far less impactful than the good moments, it has been significantly hard on my heart nonetheless. What’s worse, it has generally been from women who didn’t even know me. My character and my body image has been shredded apart so many times, that I have had to work overtime (and I for real mean overtime) in my adult life to plant my feet and my security in who God says I am and who I know I am.

Ladies, (and gentleman), we need to do better than this. We might think our words don’t carry much weight, especially to a stranger or to someone who appears to have all the confidence. Rest assured, our words can pierce the hearts of the women with even the strongest armor. This breaks my soul. I am a mother… I have a son and a daughter who I feel fiercely protective of and want nothing more than to be the shield that takes every dagger for them for their whole life. I am so easily riled up by the slightest act of unkindness toward them.
I am also a daughter, a sister, a niece, a cousin, a coworker and a friend. We all are. And with any one of those things, we have the privilege and responsibility to be better. To take the fraudulence out of the marches. To know that when we are tagged as empowerers and post that selfie, that we can stand behind our words and actions as warriors, not just for ourselves, but for ONE ANOTHER.

Friends, there is enough room for all of us to be whole without tearing each other down. We are ALL created in the Gods image and designed uniquely with a purpose that is only for us. That sets us apart to be individually great and yet be each others biggest fans. When we set out to do harm with our words and actions, we wreak jealousy, envy, righteousness, insecurity…ugliness. We have a huge opportunity to be beautiful. We can turn this around and change the coarse for the generations ahead. We can stand behind one another, beside one another, carry one another. We can fix each others crowns, celebrate each others successes, encourage each other to keep going when we fail, be positive role models for the young ones right behind us who are looking to us to make the world a better place. We owe that to them. We owe it to us.

I recently had the chance to experience the profound effect that a change of heart, shared grief and forgiveness could do between two women who had been at battle for a decade. God brought me the opportunity to open my heart and arms to a woman knee deep in grief when my first response years ago may have been to shut her out and stay angry. When I saw her face and the despair nestled in her bones, my only desire was to reach out in love and let the woes of the past melt to a puddle at our feet. It took far less energy to reach out in love than it did to carry anger and resentment for all of these years. The thought that we are more similar than different gave me a new perspective on how we can support one another so much more. I believe we are given this divine opportunity over and over again in our lives. Oh my heart, what a blessing this is.

Tonight, even as I feel the burden of a world that has imploded with hatred and divisiveness, I am also digging deep to see the good left in this world. The champions who recognized the opportunity to give everything of themselves to do great, be great, choose great. We all have the power and the opportunity to evolve…even this very minute. I regret every ounce of soul stealing I have been responsible for and pray for an endless amount of chances to get it right. To be better. To empower…

To the men and women who have made it their lifes mission to be selfless, to blaze trails, to turn the other cheek, carry anothers burden, be cheerleaders, advocates, tear wipers, crown fixers, pioneers and fearless leaders of love…. bless you. Thank you for changing the game and setting the bar higher. May we come behind you and seek to be even half as good…

“Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean.”